Discovering that you have a sexually transmitted disease can be a very traumatic experience. Your mind starts racing with questions. You ask yourself how you could this be happening to you, who should you tell, how do you tell them. Sometimes, as you deal with the answers to these questions, you start to become filled with anger and rage. These feelings are often exacerbated if you are in a situation where the STD you have is not curable. Finding out that you have an STD that is not curable raises a host of other questions and a lot of fear. From medication to help suppress or manage what you have, to dealing with how your new STD may destroy your body, to your dating future, to feeling isolated and alone - all of these things are now issues you have to face. With all of the anger and fear you feel, how can you begin to pick up the pieces and get yourself together? Believe it or not, you are not the first person to go through this situation and there are ways to handle things that can make the situation tolerable for you.

• Don't Panic Because It Is Not the End Of The World
  You may be feeling horrible about finding out that you have herpes. You may be feeling like you should just end it all now. Slow down and calm down. You are not alone by any means. Herpes Simplex 1 is one of the most common viral infections in the world. Most people get this virus that causes the majority of cold sores when they are children. If this is what you have, you aren't unusual by any means. While everyone doesn't have it, it's common enough that you shouldn't feel like your life is over. Herpes Simplex 2, while not as prevalent, mainly transmitted by sexual interaction and occurring primarily in teenagers and adults, is not as common as Herpes Simplex 1, it is still a common STD. Don't allow yourself to feel so overwhelmed that you start thinking suicidal thoughts. This may seem bigger than life, but it isn't. There are approximately 100 million Americans with some form of herpes and they are all out there living their lives and doing what they have to do. Join them. Don't let something like herpes take your life away. Herpes isn't a great thing to have, but it's not the end of the world either.


• Recognize That Telling Your Partners Is The Right Thing To Do
  You feel bad about getting herpes. You wouldn't want someone else to feel the same way would you? You need to be honest about your positive status. You may be feeling fear and apprehension, but you need to face things head on and just be honest about the issues you are facing. It doesn't make you a bad person or a worthless person. You are a normal human being with normal emotions that just needs to be honest about something that's less than perfect in your life. It's OK. Honesty is the best policy. Dishonesty will end up having you trying to scramble for excuses when you have an outbreak or running scared every time your partner touches you. Don't live your life with this type of guilt. Be honest and let people make their own choices. Don't take away some ones choice just because someone took away yours. Two wrongs don't make a right, they make more infected people.


• Don't Allow Anyone To Make You Feel Ashamed
  Herpes Simplex 1 is extremely common in America, Japan, Europe and most other major countries. You are not alone. It may seem like a tremendous deal because it's happening to you, but, the reality is that its far more common than you think. According to the CDC, genital herpes caused by the Herpes Simplex 2 virus affects at least 45 million people ages 12 and older or one out of five adolescents and adults. Those are just the estimates for genital herpes caused by herpes simplex 2. As for the herpes simplex 1 virus, which is the typical cause of cold sores on the mouth, by the time 90% of Americans reach adulthood, they have antibodies to herpes simplex 1, which means that they were exposed to the virus. The majority of people with herpes simplex 1 were exposed while they were children.

  Do you know what this means? This means that you are not alone. Don't let anyone make you feel like you should be ashamed of yourself. Herpes infections happen to good people, bad people, people of all races and people from all socio-economic backgrounds. Don't let anyone tell you anything different or make you feel less than because you are positive for this virus.

  Discuss The Matter Face To Face Rather Than Over The Phone Or Electronically
  It may be hard to face the person you are dating and tell them that you have herpes, but it must be done. Instead of cowering in fear over the phone, face the situation head on and discuss it with your partner honestly face to face. This lets your partner know that you understand how serious it is, allows you to gauge how they are feeling about the issue and allows you to comfort them if they get upset.  


• Even If You Aren't Going To Have Sex With Someone You Should Still Be Honest If You Are In A Long Term Relationship
  You may be thinking that you should keep this virus a secret if you don't intend to have sex with them. You shouldn't do this. The truth is that people with herpes simplex 1 and 2 can shed the virus even when they don't have an outbreak. With herpes simplex 1 outbreaks that typically occur on your lips, this means that you can pass the virus on to someone just by kissing due to the virus being in your saliva - without an outbreak. Wrestlers can pass the virus on to other wrestlers by touching open areas on the skin when wrestling (herpes gladiatorum ). Others can pass the virus on if they have outbreaks on their fingers (herpetic whitlow). There are many, many ways to transmit the virus and you should be honest so that both of you can protect each other.


• Don't Get Angry If The Person You Are Dating Gets Upset
  This person is just finding out that someone they care about has something that is incurable and that they may have already been exposed to it. Give them time to get angry and calm down. It doesn't make them a bad person to experience those emotions. It makes them human. Give them a chance to go through the full range of their emotions without you getting upset. Remember that they are hearing this for the first time. The initial reaction may be shock and anger. This is OK. Don't you respond by getting angry with them. They need time to process things.


• If You Decide To Wait To Tell Your Partner Don't Wait Until They Are Ready To Have Sex To Say Something
  Although telling them prior to sexual relations is a good thing, telling them at a point when they are looking forward to being with you sexually can have a lasting impact and cause them to think about having sex with you in a very negative way. Don't create that mental association for them. Make sure that you tell them at a time when you are not amorous. Also, try to avoid telling them in a bedroom setting. Again this creates a mental picture for them that they will remember for a very long time.


• If Possible, Have Some Printed Information To Give Them To Read
  People may have preconceived ideas about the type of people that get herpes simplex 1 and herpes simplex 2. Often this is a result of ignorance. Having medical information on hand will help your partner understand more about the virus itself, it's transmission rates, it's commonality and how to protect himself or herself if they decide to stay in a relationship with you. A little bit of knowledge goes a long way. You can visit the CDC website for more information.


• Get Valtrex Or Another Drug To Help Manage And Prevent Outbreaks
  You are about to go on a date and out pops a cold sore. If you have one of the antiviral medications in your corner, this may be a thing of the past. A lot of people don't get antiviral medication unless they have a serious outbreak or many outbreaks. This could be a mistake. If you have one outbreak every so often or many outbreaks regularly, having a medication like Valtrex on hand will go a long way in helping you to handle that outbreak and it will lessen the severity of future outbreaks. You can take Valtrex in one of two ways. You can either go on suppressive therapy which effectively prevents outbreaks or you can simply take a strong dose of Valtrex at the first sign of an outbreak which can possibly stop the outbreak from happening, lessen the severity of the outbreak and lessen the occurrences and severity of future outbreaks. Typically, people with herpes simplex 2 which causes the majority of genital herpes, take suppressive therapy. However, keeping Valtrex on hand for the occasional outbreak can't hurt. Talk with your doctor about this and let your doctor explain the benefits to you.


• Prepare Yourself For Rejection But Don't Get Angry
  Like it or not, some people may just not want to be with you anymore. This doesn't mean that you are a bad person. It just means that they may feel that they cannot deal with your issue. It's OK. Some people are going to react this way and some aren't. You have to prepare yourself either way and know that there is still hope for you to find someone who will love you and care about you despite the fact that you have herpes. Don't feel like your world is over just because one person doesn't want to date you. Many people around the world have herpes and many more care about and are willing to care about those that do.

Getting herpes is not the end of the world, nor is it the end of your life. With careful management and diligence you can go on and live a very happy existence with whomever you decide to be with. Don't think you have to crawl into a cave and hide. By communicating openly and honestly with your partner and by making sure that you get medical care for yourself and protect your immune system, you will likely end up living a long and happy life. Give yourself a chance to find that out and communicate honestly with those around you.

Written By Kila Morton

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