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11 Ways To Help A Person You Are Dating When He Has Erectile Dysfunction |
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Wednesday, 19 March 2008 |
 The inability to achieve an erection or the inconsistent ability to do so along with only being able to sustain an erection for a brief period of time is known as erectile dysfunction. Dealing with Erectile Dysfunction, or ED as it's called, can really place a lot of stress on your dating relationship. A man with ED is really facing an enormous amount of pressure. On the one hand there is the pressure he is feeling to perform. On the other hand there is the damage he feels to his ego. He is likely feeling uneasy about what he should do, if he should use ED drugs, how he should approach the problem and if he should see someone to talk about his problems. So what can be done to help the man facing ED? Here are a few ways to help you cut down on the stress and make the most of your relationship with the person you are dating.
- Dating Tip 1 - Be Understanding
Sometimes it's hard to be understanding when you don't understand the reasons why something is happening. ED can be caused by many different things. It's effect is clear, but the cause may elude the person you are dating. That will probably make them feel helpless and afraid although they may not be able or willing to articulate that to you. This means that you will need to be understanding with the person you are dating. Understand that some men have a harder time than others dealing with the fact that they are no longer as strong as they used to be.
- Dating Tip 2 - Be Patient
The answers to why your partner has ED may not come right away. The issue may not be apparent or clear. It may seem that it is psychosomatic, but there may be an actual physical issue that the doctors are missing. The situation requires that you be patient as the person you are dating works to uncover the answers to their problems.
- Dating Tip 3 - Suggest Medical Help Right Away & Continue Pressing Until The Doctors Get To The Bottom Of The Problem
One woman thought her husband was having an affair when he stopped having sex with her. After many fights about his inability to perform, he went to a doctor who suggested that he start seeing a shrink - which he did. His wife was continually frustrated that things weren't getting better sexually even though he was seeing a shrink. She ended up having an affair. Finally, after two years of trying drugs and shrinks, he started seeing a new doctor. Guess what? He had a tumor that was causing the ED and his diminished sex drive. He had gone to a doctor when the problem first started happening, but his first doctor missed it. It's so very important to get medical help and to keep pressing until the issue is found. If there is something serious going on, seeking medical help as if your life depends on it will help you discover the truth.
- Dating Tip 4 - Don't Blame Yourself
You have to know that your partner having ED is not your fault. Even if the issue has something to do with you, it isn't your fault. Every person's body responds to stimuli differently. If the issue is not a medical issue and is instead a mental issue, your partner has to work through their triggers. You should not blame yourself for the physical problems the person you are dating is experiencing. However, you should be working to be part of the solution. Placing blame won't solve anything. If the person you are dating tells you that your physical appearance has caused them to have ED, don't accept this. There are plenty of people who would be able to be with you no matter what you look like or act like. The problem is with your partner and your partner has to work through their issues. Often people with ED will start to blame the people around them because they are fearful and they don't know what is going on. Don't allow their anguish to become your pain. Help them, but don't let them make you the scapegoat. Be understanding, but firm in your approach.
- Dating Tip 5 - Try Unconventional Things
Being with someone with ED may require special things to get the love making mood right. It may require you to step outside of your comfort zone and try something different. Take some time to think about different ways you can help to get your partner in the mood. Talk with him about it. Don't be shy. Sometimes being open and honest can make the situation much better. Don't be afraid to talk to your partner about what they may like to try and then don't be afraid to try something other than your normal routine.
- Dating Tip 6 - Keep Things In Perspective
It's easy to blow things out of proportion when you aren't having sex. You start arguing about little things. You start fighting about the reasons why. It's your fault. It's his fault. It's his job. It's this or that. Everything seems to start falling apart all at once. Learn to take control of the situation and keep things in perspective. It isn't the end of the world and it isn't the end of your life - whether you are the person with ED or the person dating someone with ED. There are children who are going to go to bed hungry. There are people who have lost loved ones. There are people who have just found out that they are going to die soon. How big does this obstacle seem when you stack it up against those things? Keep things in perspective and don't blow things out of proportion because this issue seems so big. Trust that you will get the help you need and stay calm.
- Dating Tip 7 - Be Sensitive To His Needs
Be very sensitive to the things that he needs. This situation is very delicate and it's hard to help someone who is feeling insecure. You have to be sensitive to this. The situation is going to require delicate handling until it's resolved. Make sure you remain sensitive in what you say and do. Never engage in name calling or put downs with someone who has ED. You are only going to make a rough situation worse.
- Dating Tip 8 - Don't Pretend That Everything Is OK
One of the worst things you can do is to simply act like the situation does not exist. We are adults and life is too short for this type of game. You have to be willing to admit that there is a problem in order to begin the process of solving the problem. You have to be honest. If the person you are dating is having an ED problem then you are having an ED problem. Don't turn a blind eye and expect things to get better. There is a distinct chance that the issue may be medical. You wouldn't want to find out that the problem is incurable, but could have been solved if only you had taken care of it earlier would you? You want the best for the person you are with. Address the problem and be honest with yourself and with the guy you are dating.
- Dating Tip 9 - Don't Threaten Your Man With Ultimatums
Sometimes, when we think a person isn't doing enough to get things going, we offer ultimatums. We say things like if you don't do this by this date then I'm leaving or if you don't get this under control by this date, then I'm leaving. This is completely wrong. You cannot solve the issue with ultimatums. You cannot solve the issue with pressure. You have to use your brains and not your brawn in this situation. You can't influence a person with ED with ultimatums. They need support, they need help and, in some cases, they need time.
- Dating Tip 10 - If He Is Going To A Mental Health Professional For ED, Go With Him To Support Him
If your man is going to a mental health professional, show your support by going with him if he wants you to. Sometimes the support of someone who cares about you can go a long way in helping you get help for yourself. Don't be afraid to be the backbone for the person you are dating. He needs your support and he should be able to count on it.
- Dating Tip 11 - Let Him Know That You Still Find Him Attractive
Your man needs to feel that he is still the one you want. His ego is bruised. He is feeling like he is less than. He needs to know that you are still there with him and that you still find him attractive. Don't be afraid to tell him that you love him, need him and still find him attractive. He needs to hear it now more than ever.
Dealing with a man with ED is often a hard thing to do. You have to show restraint and patience. If he needs help, then help him. Being in a strong relationship isn't just about being there when things are going good. It's about being there when things aren't going well. You may or may not be married, but if you care about the person you are with, you need to act like it. Don't put unnecessary pressure on him. Make an effort to do as much as you can do to help the situation. ED is something that can be managed and, in some cases, eliminated. It just requires that you both care enough and do enough to figure out the answers.
Written By Kila Morton
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