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How To Battle Bitterness After A Break Up And Win |
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Monday, 17 March 2008 |
 When a relationship that you really wanted ends, it's easy to become consumed with anger. You may have invested a lot of time and effort into the relationship. Losing it not only makes you feel a sense of loss, it also can lead you to become very bitter. Sometimes the circumstances surrounding the breakup add to the anger and animosity you feel. Maybe the person you were dating cheated on you and left. Now you are left to pick up the emotional pieces of your relationship. Animosity and resentment begin to overwhelm you followed by a tremendous feeling of deep anger. What follows is a feeling of bitterness that begins to seep into every part of your life. The sun doesn't shine as brightly anymore. Food doesn't taste as good. As you go through your days, you try not to let the bitterness show, but you can't help it. You are angry and you feel like your world will never be right again. You keep asking yourself how you can get past your feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness. Fortunately, the key to dealing with bitterness lies inside of you waiting for you to ask it to come out.
The first step to dealing with bitterness is asking yourself what you feel helpless about. Helpless? Yes helpless! Bitterness develops when we feel powerless to change what is happening to us. We feel like passengers in our own lives walking around trying to figure out where we are being taken. We are unsteady because we feel like we aren't in control. Therefore, the first step to repairing our hearts is coming to terms with the sense of helplessness we are feeling. When it comes to break ups our sense of helplessness often stems from the fact that someone is ending the relationship and we don't want it to end. We feel helpless because we can't stop the person we were in the relationship with from leaving. In order to battle bitterness, we must determine the root cause of our helplessness.
As our sense of helplessness deepens, we start to feel threatened and as that threat manifests itself inside of our hearts we start to feel more anger. As this anger becomes extreme, we end up turning into someone we aren't. Therefore, after determining what is causing you to feel helpless, your next step is to think about and accept some truths about your bitterness. Here are a few things that you have to accept and understand to conquer your bitterness.
- Life is not fair.
- People who are selfish do things based on what they want. Hurting you is neither personal for them or a concern for them.
- Your anger is meaningless to the person that was the root cause of the problem and useless to you.
Accepting these truths will not only allow you to recognize that this situation is not worth your anger, it will help you to accept the next step in dealing with bitterness, which is that there are better things in store for you.
When you are faced with the prospect of moving on, it may be hard to accept that doing so is in your best interest. You may be feeling stuck in your bitterness. You have accepted that your anger is meaningless to the person that it is directed toward. What you may be less accepting of is that there are better things in store for you if you want better things. You may be feeling that the relationship you were in was the best thing you will ever know. Get a grip! It may have been the best thing you knew up until that point in time, but there are other people in this world. If you give yourself some time and the opportunity, you will find someone else. Better things are waiting for you, but you have to be open to them. Your relationship wasn't as good as you thought it was or you would still be in it. There ARE better things right around the corner. You just have to be mentally free of your bitterness when those better things come your way.
You have to realize that sometimes things happen that we don't want to happen. This may be a simplistic view of your situation, but, ultimately isn't that what everything boils down to? Bitterness doesn't have to consume you unless you want it to. You have to put as much effort into thinking about the reasons why you feel the way you do and changing them as you have into being angry and resentful. If you do, you are going to find that you are able to battle bitterness and win
Written By Kila Morton
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