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How To Handle Loneliness After A Break Up |
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Monday, 24 March 2008 |
 After a breakup, one of the hardest things you may be dealing with is an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. You were in a relationship you thought would last. Now you are facing uncertainty at the prospect of having to go out and find someone new and rebuild your dating life all over again. You may not only have lost your relationship, you may have also had to say goodbye to your mates family and friends. You may be feeling isolated in a way you've never known and you may be unsure of how to put things back together. The good thing to know is that you don't have to spend the rest of your life wallowing in pity and loneliness. Now is the time when you have to focus on you and find the inner strength just waiting to come to the surface. Overcoming your feelings of loneliness doesn't have to be a hard process. With a lot of effort and the ability to be honest with yourself, you can chase away your lonely feelings and get your heart back in order.
The first thing you need to tell yourself is that it's OK to not feel great right away. People will tell you that you should get over what happened. Move on. Grow up. Get on with your life. He wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth it. You can do better. You will hear it all, however, there is only one thing you need to remember. You are not anyone else. You are you and you have your own feelings about what happened and you are entitled to your own feelings. Don't let anyone tell you anything different. People feel things differently and experience breakups in a myriad of different ways. If you are sitting alone feeling lonely, don't feel guilty that you aren't over it yet. It's OK to heal on your own terms.
Having said that, there is something else you should keep in mind. Allowing yourself to wallow in loneliness for too long is a recipe for disaster. You have to heal on your own time, but if you are experiencing overwhelming emotions well after the situation is over, then you may need more help than you realize. Don't be afraid to get that help. It's OK to not be able to heal on your own. It's not OK not to heal. Most of us experience a great deal of anxiety when a relationship ends and we didn't want it to end. Sometimes when those emotions are more intense than we are accustomed to dealing with, we may not be able to just pick up and move on easily. We may require assistance. Fortunately, there are therapists that can help you deal with your loss and get you over that hump.
You may be feeling like you need help, but are unwilling to talk to a therapist. If you know that you are facing feelings of loneliness that you can't face alone, involve your family and friends. Spend time with them. Confide in them. Family and friends aren't just for the good times. They are there for you through thick and thin. Spending time with your family and friends can give you just the boost you need and help you overcome the loneliness you were feeling. You don't have to spill your guts to them about what happened to your relationship if you aren't ready. Sometimes just spending time with them can keep you from feeling isolated and alone.
After you milk your family and friends for their time, it's time for you to get back into the world of the living. Joining a gym is a great way to get into shape, meet new people and kill time. What does killing time have to do with it? Well, when you are feeling lonely and you are by yourself, it's easy to start thinking crazy thoughts. You may start feeling more angryr as you go over and over what happened in your mind. You may start thinking of ways to get revenge or you may start feeling like the world would be better without you. When you keep your mind busy and your body busy, you don't have time to wallow in such anger. Time truly heals all wounds. As you spend time doing things like working out and not thinking about the relationship that ended, you will gradually get to a point where you can be alone without being lonely.
In the end, how you are going to heal and if you are going to heal are choices only you can make for yourself. Dwelling on what has happened is not healthy and it's not going to make you feel any better. Resolve to do something different to help yourself. Treat yourself to something special. If you are a guy, go hang out with your friends, go camping or bowling or something. If you are a woman, go get a facial, a manicure or a spa treatment. Go to some place that you always wanted to go. Cry for yourself if you must, but just know that there comes a moment when you have to wipe away the tears and move on. Don't be afraid to do it. After all, the only thing you would be giving up is your loneliness.
Written By Kila Morton
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