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7 Ways To Keep Your Children Safe When You Are Dating |
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Sunday, 02 March 2008 |
 Children are precious and innocent. All too often, when parents date they make the mistake of exposing their children to things they should never be exposed to. Dating when you are a single parent can be difficult, but, there are a few dating tips that you should follow to protect your children while you get back into the dating game. No matter what, protecting your children should be your first priority in all situations. You may have not had a steady dating relationship in a very long time and it may be something that is important to you, however, you have a responsibility to protect your child even if that means sacrificing your immediate happiness. Here are a few common sense tips that will help you protect your child when you start dating.
- Dating Tip 1 - Never Allow Someone You Just Started Dating To Meet Your Children - EVER!
When you are just meeting someone, you don't know anything about them. They could be a murderer, molester, rapist or whatever - you simply do not know. Even if you have done a search on them and turned up nothing, it is still possible that this person has done something in their past that they were not charged for and, hence, would not show up in a search. You don't know. Since your first priority is to your children and making sure that they are safe and secure and you can't tell if your new dating partner is someone that would hurt them, your kids should not meet them right away. Give yourself enough time to figure out if this person is good for you, much less your children. Kids are so impressionable. They take their images from what is OK from you. Why would you want to introduce your kids to a person that may be here one day and gone the next? You don't know how the relationship is going to turn out when you first meet someone. Give yourself plenty of time to figure that out, check the person out and then decide if they are worthy of meeting your children. Just because someone seems nice, doesn't mean they are.
- Dating Tip 2 - Don't Allow Someone You Just Started Dating To Take Your Child To Places Without You
You don't know this person. No matter how many wonderful conversations you have had. No matter how many nice places you have been together. No matter what they have given you or done for you. You don't know this person fully. We teach our kids not to talk to strangers because kids lack the ability to protect themselves. Since kids base their responses to a lot of things on their parents, you are telling your child that this person is OK by allowing them to take your child places. However, since you don't know them, you can't really be sure that they are OK. Would you let a stranger pick up your child and take them some place? If your answer was the correct answer of no, then don't let some stranger whose name you happen to know pick up your kids and take them places without you being right there. You owe it to your child to protect them and you can't do that if you aren't around. It may be easier for you, but, it's not what is best for your child. What is best and safe for your child should be your paramount concern.
- Dating Tip 3 - Don't Allow Your Children To See You In Bed With Someone You Just Started Dating
If you make the decision to sleep with someone you just met, that is your choice. That is something that your child should not be exposed to. Kids aren't stupid. Seeing mommy or daddy in bed with strange people sends the wrong message to them. You may be having your fun, but, your child is trying to figure out the reasons why. They may never tell you that what you are doing is inappropriate, but, the non-verbal messages you send to your child are surely things they will never forget. Give them the right things to dwell on - not images of you in bed with someone they don't know. It is preferable that you take of your personal business at a time when your kids aren't home or at a time and place that would remove the possibility of them seeing you at all.
- Dating Tip 4 - Never Move In With Someone You Just Met With Your Children
This goes along with the common theme in the previous tips. You don't know this person. You don't know anything about their history beyond what they have told you. You wouldn't send your kids to live with strangers if you could help it so you shouldn't place your kids in a home with a stranger because you want to play house. It is your option to see whomever you choose. Your kids don't have a choice. Make the right one for them. If you need a place to stay, find a relative - don't go to the home of someone you don't know. If the situation is a true emergency and, for some reason, you have absolutely no choice but to go with someone you don't know, stay with your kids at all times! Don't allow them to be out of your sight at the person's home. Don't allow them to take them anywhere. Moving in with someone you just met is just not safe or smart - for you or your child.
- Dating Tip 5 - Never Allow Your Children To Be Around Or Involved In Arguments With Someone You Are Dating
Children are impressionable. When they see you doing certain things, they start to believe that those things are normal. That's why the children of abusers tend to grow up to be abusers. When kids see that you handle your issues by arguing, they start developing that internally as a way to handle their problems. You are teaching them with every action you make. If you and someone you are dating are having an argument, take it to a place that is not near the children. Protect your child from negative situations. This is your job. The person you are dating may or may not care that your children are around, but, you always should.
- Dating Tip 6 - Never Allow Someone You Just Started Dating To Discipline Your Child - EVER!
You discipline your kids because you love them. Someone you just started dating does not love them the way you do and therefore should not be disciplining your child. It is your responsibility and your job. You just met this person. Why would you allow someone that is essentially a stranger to the child to discipline them? Doing this not only builds up resentment in the child toward the person you are dating, it builds resentment in them toward you. You have a responsibility to your children to protect them and keep them away from harm. Allowing someone outside of that safety net to discipline them doesn't make them feel safe. Accept responsibility for the things you must do and discipline your own child. If the person you just started dating is telling you that your child is doing things that need to be addressed. That may be true, but, in all instances it is your job to take care of things - not the job of someone you just started dating.
- Dating Tip 7 - If Your Child Makes An Allegation About Someone You Are Dating Acting Inappropriately Act On It Immediately
There may be a situation that arises in which your child makes accusations against the person you are dating. Whether they are true or not, you must remove the person you are dating from your life until the allegations are sorted out and possibly forever. First of all, if the allegations are true the person should not be allowed in your life ever and should be reported to the appropriate authorities. If the allegations are false, it is obvious that your child is struggling to deal with the idea of you dating and you need to remove that person from your life for the time being and focus on getting your child the help and attention they need. Children don't make allegations of abuse for no reason. It is your responsibility and obligation to drop everything and get to the root cause of what is going on. That may mean sacrificing your own happiness for the time being. However, if that is what must be done then that is what must be done. Children don't ask to come here. Since you were the one who bought them here on this earth, it is you that must be responsible for making sure they are safe and secure.
The truth is that you should not allow someone new in your life to have access to your children until you have done a thorough and appropriate screening. You may be looking for love and help as a single parent, but, your first responsibility is to not put your child in danger. Make dating safe for you and your child.
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