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Make Yourself Dateable: Dealing With Avoidance |
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Saturday, 15 March 2008 |
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 A lot of us have problems dealing with things from time to time. There may even be times when we just want to avoid the whole situation. When we decide to stop facing problems and start avoiding them as a way of dealing with our problems, we are entering the arena of avoidance behavior. People that regularly practice avoidance, expose themselves to a variety of negative issues based on their inability to face their issues. If this sounds like you, then you need a way to deal with your issues and turn things around. It may be difficult to face, but you have to learn how to face your issues to make the best life for yourself.
- Dating Tip: Getting Over Avoidance Step 1
The first step in learning how not to avoid your problems, is to ask yourself why you are avoiding things in the first place. That may be a little too analytical for some people, but, looking into your heart is the first step in working through your issues. Here are a few things to think about as you analyze yourself. Do you avoid doing certain things because you don't want to appear incompetent to other people? Do you avoid certain things because you don't understand them? Do you avoid certain things because you don't want to lose something? Being honest with yourself is a hard thing to do, but, not being honest with yourself is going to keep you trapped in a cycle of avoidance.
- Dating Tip: Getting Over Avoidance Step 2
After you come to terms with why you are avoiding issues, it's time to exert some control over the issues you love to avoid. Splitting huge problems into smaller blocks helps us to focus and get through issues that might otherwise overwhelm us. Begin your mission by deciding to start small and face the problems in one area of your life first. This way you won't get overwhelmed and you will actually be able to stick to your mission.
- Dating Tip: Getting Over Avoidance Step 3
After you begin tackling your issues, the last step is analyzing how you are doing. If you find that you aren't doing well not avoiding issues, invest some time in seeing a therapist. There is no shame in admitting you need help. The only shame is having help available and not being willing to use it. Don't be afraid. It doesn't make you less than if you reach out to someone for help.
If you find it hard to figure out if you typically avoid things, involve the people you care about. Ask them for feedback about you. Sometimes we have to step outside of ourselves to begin to open up. There are people waiting to love you and embrace you. Sharing your life with someone is difficult, but, trying to do that and avoid your issues is almost impossible. Stop running, turn around and face things head on.
Written By Kila Morton
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