When people contact someone through an online dating site for the first time, they often do so with the expectation that the person will contact them back. After all, who wouldn't want to talk to you? You are great...right? You may be wonderful, but, there are a number of 'first contact' mistakes that will often get your message deleted faster than you can say delete. There are some people who will contact you back just because you contacted them, but there are a greater number that will just delete and pretend you don't exist. So what can you do to make sure that your first contact messages don't end up in the rejected, deleted or no-way-in-the-world pile? The answer is to read the 10 online dating first contact mistakes below and then make a few simple changes to your messages that will make all the difference to the people receiving them.

• Online Dating Tip 1 - You Didn't Read The Profile Did You?
  Your initial message is nice, but, it asks your prospective date questions that you wouldn't be asking if you had read their profile. Take some time and read the profile of the person you are going to contact even if you don't care. If you decide that you still aren't going to read the profile, take the personal questions out and just focus on asking the person to contact you. Most people don't like to feel like you didn't care enough to take the time to read about them, even if they don't know you.


• Online Dating Tip 2 - Stop Asking To Meet In Your First Contact Message
  If you want to meet someone you see online, don't ask to do so the very first time you contact them. You seem desperate and crazy when you do that. Wait until you have exchanged many messages before asking this. That way you seem interested in getting to know the person you are contacting.


• Online Dating Tip 3 - Why Are You Making Off-Color Remarks?
  The woman in the picture looks like she has big breasts. In your message to her you let her know that you like the size of her breasts. She never responds. Hmmm.....wonder why? Don't say anything that you wouldn't say face to face. If you would say something like that face to face the very first time you meet someone, then you have another problem. If, however, you are like most people and wouldn't say something like that if you were meeting someone for the first time, then don't say it to them in the first message you send. People don't see things like that as compliments. It's a complete turn-off and there are a lot of options. Don't take yourself out of the running right at the starting line.


• Online Dating Tip 4 - Your Profile Says Something Different Than Your Message! Do You Think I'm Stupid?
  People who lie often sometimes forget what they say. In the case of online daters, sometimes they forget what they write. If you write in your profile that you are a doctor and then say in your initial contact that you are a sales supervisor. Stop the lies. There is someone for everyone and I don't care if you are a janitor or an executive, there is someone that will care about you and want you no matter what. You would be surprised how far an honest, well-written profile will take you, but, lying to someone you are trying to meet, will take you to delete land.


• Online Dating Tip 5 - You Can't Spell, But, A Word Processor Can!
  There are a lot of people that just cannot get this whole spelling thing together. That's OK. This is the reason that there are spell checkers in almost every word processing program. If you have a real problem spelling, type your message in a word processor first and then cut and paste it into your profile. Poor spelling makes you look like an idiot. The truth is that you may be an idiot. That's fine. It's OK to be an idiot, it's not OK to look like you are an idiot.


• Online Dating Tip 6 - Your Message Makes Absolutely No Sense!
  If you know that you can't put together a sentence, ask someone to write your first contact message for you. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Grammar may be your weakness. Don't make it the reason you end up in the delete pile. Hire a professional writer if you are really serious.


• Online Dating Tip 7 -  Did You Send This Message To Every Person On The Site?
  You know who you are. You send messages to anyone and everyone with the thought that at least one person will respond to you. The problem is that your first contact messages are so generic that the person you contacted doesn't view you as serious. You are in competition with a lot of different people. You need to make sure your efforts actually amount to something. Don't waste time trying to contact everyone. You aren't really interested in everyone. Take the time to contact a select few and then see where it goes from there. Personalize your messages and make sure that you aren't just contacting anyone and everyone to see who you can get.


• Online Dating Tip 8 - Are You Sending Me The Same Message Again?
  Don't keep sending the same message over and over again if the person doesn't respond the first time! If they wanted to communicate with you, they would. Obviously there is something that caused the person not to respond positively to your initial message. Leave the person alone now. If they want to contact you, they will. Sending a person the message more than once is just annoying. Instead, send the message to someone else. You have lots of people to choose from.


• Online Dating Tip 9 - You Are Nothing Like What I'm Looking For Even Though I Listed What I Was Looking For In My Profile! You read his profile. He said he wanted a church going woman. You decide to contact him anyway. You send him a message and tell him that you read his profile and you see that he wants a church going woman, but, you think the two of you would have a good time. After all, why should what he wants matter when you want to communicate with him? Red flag, red flag, red flag. This is so disrespectful and it sends sure signs that you are a control freak and inconsiderate. You are almost guaranteed a trip to delete town when you do this. The person has clearly articulated what they want. If you don't fall within their guidelines, then leave them alone and go contact someone else. Don't you think that you have enough options? There are only a million different dating sites out there. Show respect and consideration if you aren't what the person is looking for.


• Online Dating Tip 10 - Why Are You Talking About Sex When You Are Contacting Someone For The First Time? Are you crazy? Why would you send a message to someone you don't know that contains sexually explicit talk? You are trying to put your best foot forward. People can get sex anywhere! They don't need you! What do you bring to the table mentally, physically and emotionally? Talking about sex during the first contact you have with someone is crude and low class. If all you want is sex, then tell the person that after they contact you back. Don't start talking about sex just to initiate a conversation. It makes you look like a predator. If you are a predator, then get some help. If you aren't, change your message and make it a quality message. Messages that talk about sex on the first contact get sent to deletesville quick fast and in a hurry.

If you spend a little time trying to look at your messages from the perspective of the receiver you will create better messages. Don't panic if you see things you do on this list. There is hope for you as long as you are willing to make a change. First contact doesn't have to be the last contact unless you do the things listed above.

Written By Kila Morton 

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