• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 1 -
  Don't listen with the intention of contradicting everything the person talking to you says.
  If your mouth is in a constant state of “open”, that means you aren't listening – you are talking. If you don;t agree with something someone is saying, make a note of it – either on paper or in your mind – and come back to it AFTER the person has finished talking. Constantly contradicting things someone says is a great way to make people not want to talk to you.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 2 -
  Don't constantly correct the speech of the person you are dating while they are talking.
  You may be better at speaking than the person who is speaking to you, however, you are being disrespectful if you keep correcting them while they are trying to express themselves. If you absolutely cannot understand what they are saying, then asking them to repeat a part is OK, however, don't even do that constantly. Give the person a chance to get their feelings out. Sometimes when some people are really upset about something, they can't quite put all of the words together correctly. If you can understand most of what they are saying, just let them work through it. Cutting them off is not productive, will frustrate them and will make them not want to talk to you. Remember that you are not their parent.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 3 -
  Don't discount everything they say just because you don't agree with their view of things.
  If a person tells you something that you don't like, your immediate tendency may be to ignore it if you don't agree with it. Don't do this. Part of being a good listener as well as a good dating partner is understanding that you are not always going to see eye to eye. Just because you don't feel the way the person talking to you feels doesn't mean that their feelings are any less valid than yours. You want them to pay attention to things you are feeling don't you? Make sure you extend that same courtesy. When the person finishes speaking, you can say something like - “I understand what you are saying. You made some very valid points. I will think about what you have said.” When you say that – mean it!

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 4 -
  Don't try to write down EVERYTHING the person says.
  You may feel like it would be good to write down everything the person you are dating says so you can go over it later. This is a mistake. Often, the more we write the less we understand exactly what is being said to us. This is because our natural tendency is to listen to the words so we can record them – NOT so we can actually understand them. If you need to go over the words later, record them with a camcorder or digital camera with recording features. You can also use your cell phone or some other device. Instead of focusing on writing the words down, focus on understanding what the person talking to you is trying to say.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 5 -
  Don't allow yourself to be distracted while the person is speaking.
  Pay attention. You may have a million things to do. You may be feeling like you don't want to hear what the person has to say. You may feel like listening to them is a waste of your time. If you care about the person who is talking to you, make it a point to care about paying attention to them. Filter out your distractions and focus on what they have to say. If you really care about what is being said to you, then you need to make sure the person speaking to you has your undivided attention. Give them the same courtesy you want them to give you.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 6 -
  Don't narrow your focus while the person is talking to one or two points.
  Listen to everything the person has to say. A lot of time we listen to people we care about trying to hear what they really are saying. We pick out a few points and concentrate on those. Don't do this. Instead, focus on the entire message you are given. Don't filter out parts and pieces to get to the point you believe they are trying to make. Listen to everything they are trying to say.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 7 -
  Don't tune out if you don't agree with what the person you are saying.
  If you are in a situation where you are being asked to hear something you don't agree with, your tendency may be to tune out what is being said while you look impassively at the other person speaking. Would you want someone to invalidate what you are saying this way? When you do this, you are not only being disrespectful, you are being selfish. When you want to be heard, yet don't want to hear anyone else, you are not respecting the needs of the other person in your relationship. Treat the person you are with the way you want to be treated. This means that if you want them to listen even if they don't agree, you need to do the same thing.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 8 -
  Try to understand why the person you are dating is saying what they are saying.
  When you listen to someone and you are focused on getting the entire message, make sure that you also focus on why they are saying what they are saying. You may think that the why is not important, however, it really is. If the person is telling you something because they are at the end of their rope with you, you need to understand how serious their conversation with you really is. Often, understanding why they are saying what they are saying will help you focus more intently on what is being said. Sometimes the person will tell you and sometimes you have to be smart enough to figure it out.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 9 -
  Recognize how your personal prejudice may be influencing your ability and desire to listen.
  It's absolutely amazing how we learn to be prejudiced against certain things for no real reason throughout our lives. We dislike foods we've never tried. We dislike people for no good reason other than their looks. We decide we don't want to go to places without ever having been to the place in the first place. We become prejudiced against so many things for absolutely no good reason. This really effects our ability to listen to people. When we are prejudiced against something that someone else starts talking to us about, often our response is immediately negative. This, however, is the perfect way to leave the person we are dating with the feeling that what they say does not matter to us. The bottom line is that you must open your ears and your heart if you want your relationship to work. If someone is talking to you about something that you have a prejudice against, don't shut them out. Make an honest effort to still listen to the person you are with and make an effort to see things from their point of view. If you can't, you may end up wishing you did as they leave you for someone who doesn't have the hang ups you have. If your feelings are effecting your relationship, you may also want to consider getting help to overcome your feelings of prejudice.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 10 -
  Recognize that your nonverbal messages are just as important as what you say.
  If you are listening intently yet your eyes are rolling around in your head and you are sighing at every statement the person you are with is making, your nonverbal communication is telling them that you aren't interested in what you have to say. Is this the message that you want to communicate to someone you care about? If you care at all about them, you wouldn't want to send them the message that what they are saying is unimportant. Remember that you want them to respect you when you are speaking to them and you want them to have body language that shows that they are listening. You need to make sure that you offer the same courtesy to them. Relationships are all about give and take. Let your body language show that you are as involved in the conversation as they are.

• How To Be A Good Listener Dating Tip 11 -
  If you are in a position of power in your job, don't bring your workplace authority into your relationship.
  If you are in a position of power at work, you may be a slight ego maniac. If you bring this attitude into your relationship you are asking for trouble. Sometimes people in positions of power at work, try to control their relationships outside of work. If this is how you are, you may inadvertently be controlling conversations with the person you are in a relationship with. This is a recipe for disaster. Often, people who deal with you may begin to shut down and become passive aggressive in their dealings with you. When this happens, they may begin to contemplate leaving the relationship without communicating with you about their true feelings. They just hold things inside. Then when they explode on you, you often don't know where all of their anger is coming from. They held it in until they couldn't any longer because of your controlling ways. When your mate is talking to you, don't treat them like they are one of your employees. Listen to them and try to understand what they are feeling and what they are saying so that you don't end up pushing them away.

Developing great listening skills is important if you want to make your relationship work. It may be hard for you if you aren't accustomed to listening to others, but the payoff in learning how to listen is huge. Start today! Let the person you are with know that what they have to say matters to you.

Written By Kila Morton

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