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11 Ways To Help When Dating A Recovering Alcoholic |
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Saturday, 29 March 2008 |
 When an alcoholic person decides to stop drinking for good, they begin a never ending battle to stay away from alcohol. When you are dating a person like this and you are not a recovering alcoholic, it may be difficult for you to understand how sensitive the person you are dating is to seeing and being around alcohol. If you are dating someone with this issue, there are a number of things that you can do to make things better for them. With some effort and the desire to truly help the person you are dating, you can create an environment that is both supportive and less tempting for them. Going that extra mile for them can make all the difference because alcoholics often see temptation all around. Here are some tips you can follow to help you with your mission to help them.
- Dating Tip 1 - Remove Any Visible Alcohol From Your Home
Go through your home and remove any visible alcohol. You can place it in a closet, in a garage or throw it away. If the person you are dating was really in bad shape with alcohol, make sure you also remove your mouthwash. It contains alcohol too. This will help to remove immediate temptation while the person you are dating is in your home. This small modification can go a long way in terms of supporting their sobriety.
- Dating Tip 2 - Avoid Having Dates At Bars
Don't take a recovering alcoholic to a bar. It is too much pressure and too much temptation for them - even if they tell you something different. Play it safe. There are tons of places other than bars to go. Pick one.
- Dating Tip 3 - When Going To A Restaurant, Call Ahead And Talk To The Manager And Tell Them That You Don't Want Alcohol Bought Over To The Table Or Offered As A Suggestion By The Wait Staff
This is something that a lot of people overlook. When you go to certain restaurants, they will make suggestions about the best alcohol to drink with your meal. Some restaurants will bring the alcohol over to your table and offer a sample. This may be too much for someone who is fighting alcoholism. Call ahead to make sure that the restaurant does not do this. It may seem like a small thing, but to an alcoholic it is a big thing.
- Dating Tip 4 - If Your Date Has An Alcoholics Anonymous Sponsor, Make Sure You Know How To Reach Them
You are part of a support system for the person you are dating. Each part of the system needs to be connected. That means that you need to make sure that you can reach your date's sponsor and that your date's sponsor can reach you. In the case of an emergency with the person you are dating, you may need all of the help you can get for them.
- Dating Tip 5 - Never Bring Up Your Dates Alcoholism In An Attempt To Hurt Them During An Argument
Sometimes we say hurtful things during arguments. You have to guard against saying things about your date's inability to control themselves with alcohol during arguments just for the sake of hurting them. This is destructive behavior and does more harm than good. People battling alcohol typically feel a tremendous amount of guilt for the things they have done while being under the influence. You place undue pressure on them when you attack them because of this. They are recovering and they need to be reminded that their sobriety efforts are not in vain. If you absolutely must say something hurtful, pick something else to talk about.
- Dating Tip 6 - Make Sure That Your Family Members Understand The Special Needs Of The Person You Are Dating So They Don't Offer Alcohol To Your Date During Family Events
Telling your family about the problems your date is having with alcohol can possibly provide another layer of support for them while at family functions. Sometimes the family will be willing to eliminate the alcohol all together. Sometimes they won't be willing to do this. The important thing is that they understand what you are trying to do and that they don't make efforts to sabotage your date's sobriety. If they are unwilling to alter their behavior, don't take the person you are dating around them.
- Dating Tip 7 - Encourage & Support Them If You See Them Starting To Get Weak
Alcoholics will often falter in their quest to stay sober. Provide them with positive support and reassure them when they start having problems. We all need a little bit of positive feedback sometimes. Alcoholics are no different.
- Dating Tip 8 - Never Agree With Them If They Try To Tell You That They Can Have Just One Drink And Things Will Be OK
Alcoholics often cannot control their drinking. One drink can launch them into an abusive lapse in their sobriety. Do everything you can to let them know that you know that one drink is not an option for them. Never agree to be an enabler for them if you really want to help them.
- Dating Tip 9 - Work To Eliminate The Stress In Your Relationship That Typically Leads To Them Drinking
When you are dating someone, you often end up with the ability to figure out the things that will get under their skin. It is important that you work to eliminate that stress so that you don't end up contributing to the stress your date feels which might lead them to drink. This may be hard, but it's one of the best ways to help the person you are dating.
- Dating Tip 10 - Keep A Set Of Keys To Their Car When You Are Out With Them
If something happens while you are out with them and they end up drinking after they have driven the two of you wherever, having a set of keys to their car will help you get them home safely and protect you from being in the passenger seat while an inebriated person is driving. Don't trust their ability to drive if they have been drinking. If they try to leave without you in their car, call the police. It's better to have them cool off for a night in jail than to have them kill someone while driving under the influence of alcohol.
- Dating Tip 11 - Never Discourage Them From Going To Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings Or The Meetings Of Any Other Group They Use For Support
When we are dating someone, we often want to monopolize their time. When they have free time, we want that time to be spent with us. The problem is that people who are recovering often need a great deal of support. Don't make them feel guilty when they need to go to their meetings. You can't stop them from getting the help they truly need if you really want to help them stay sober. Don't complain about them spending too much time in their meetings. Don't try to stop them from going and don't try to make them feel guilty for needing as much help as they may need. They are in recovery.
Dating a recovering alcoholic is an exercise in patience. There is no question that you may have to alter some of your habits in order to provide a safe environment for the person you are dating. However, your support and care may be exactly what they need to stay on the right track. For more information on providing assistance to alcoholics, click here.
Written By Kila Morton
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