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7 Ways To Know If You Are Stopping The Person You Are With From Finding True Love? |
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Friday, 18 April 2008 |
 It happens all too often. We start dating someone and as time goes by we realize that the person is not the one. Often, instead of just leaving, we stay in the relationship. Sometimes we stay out of a since of obligation and sometimes we stay for more selfish reasons. We sometimes stay simply because WE don't want to face possibly being alone. We don't want to face getting rid of the relationship only to find that we can't easily find someone new. So we stay in a relationship we know we don't want to be in and we try to make the best of the situation. The main problem is that this approach rarely yields a happy relationship. If you know that you aren't happy with the person you are with, yet you won't take the initiative to leave, you need to ask yourself a very important question. Are you stopping the person you are with from finding true love? It may be hard to be introspective enough to answer this question so I'm going to help you. If you do or say some of the things outlined below, you may be stopping the person you are with from finding true happiness with someone that wants to be with them just as they are.
- Indicator That You Are Stopping The Person You Are With From Finding True Love Dating Tip 1 -
Do you constantly try to change things about the person you are with even though they are fine with who they are?
This is often a very clear indicator that you don't want to be with the person you are with and may be preventing them from moving on and finding happiness. Often we delude ourselves into thinking that we are trying to change the person we are with so that they will be better people. Often, the sad truth is that our reasons are far more about us and far less about the person we are with than we are willing to admit. Just because someone isn't as smart, as slim or as whatever as we want them to be doesn't mean that they are unhappy with who they are. Many times we try to change them simply because deep inside we know that we don't want them as they are. Mentally, the only way for us to deal with staying with them within ourselves is to try and change the things we don't like about them. We rationalize and tell ourselves that we are staying because we are trying to make a positive change in the person's life, but really we are staying because deep down inside we are just afraid of being alone. Doing this is not only unfair to the person we are with, it is unfair to us. They deserve someone who wants to be with them for who they are and not for what someone else wants them to be. That doesn't mean that the changes you are trying to make may not be positive changes that they should make for themselves. It simply means that your reasons for wanting the change stem from you trying to make them into who you want them to be so that you can stomach staying with them when you know you don't want to.
- Indicator That You Are Stopping The Person You Are With From Finding True Love Dating Tip 2 -
Do you constantly complain about the things the person you are seeing does?
When you constantly pick and complain about the things a person does, you don't want to be with them. It's that simple. People tend to pick a person apart when they aren't happy in the relationship. Nothing the person you are with says or does is good enough. You start complaining about almost everything. You are doing this because deep inside you know that this person isn't what you want and the fact that you are feeling this way makes you question yourself internally about why you are in the relationship. When you can't answer that question for yourself, you become angry with yourself and you lash out at the person without even realizing it. It's almost like you are saying "I can't believe I'm with you! You don't know enough about the world to have an intelligent conversation" or "I can't believe I'm with you! You are stupid!". Instead of just being mature enough to call it quits, we pick and pick and pick until finally the person either breaks down or leaves.
- Indicator That You Are Stopping The Person You Are With From Finding True Love Dating Tip 3 -
When you are away from them, do you get instantly annoyed when you see that they have called you?
Our minds work in funny ways sometimes. Often, when we don't want to be with a person, yet we are forcing ourselves to stay, even a simple thing like a phone call from them leaves us feeling disgusted. Just seeing their name on the caller id of our phones fills us with dread. We don't want to talk to them. We don't want to see them, yet we know we will. This is a clear indicator that we should not be in the relationship.
- Indicator That You Are Stopping The Person You Are With From Finding True Love Dating Tip 4 -
Do you actively plan for the day when you are no longer with the person?
Let me tell you something. People in happy relationships don't actively plan for what they are going to do when they relationship is over. It just doesn't happen. When you aren't with the person you want to be with, however, you spend lots of time thinking about what you will do when you aren't with the person you are seeing. You think of places you will go, people you will meet and all of the fun and/or peace you will have. This is one of the biggest indicators that you and the person you are with should not be together.
- Indicator That You Are Stopping The Person You Are With From Finding True Love Dating Tip 5 -
Do you constantly complain about how the person you are with doesn't understand or get who you are or what you need?
Let's face it. If everyone could read minds organized society would likely disintegrate. People would know every thought of the person they were seeing and they probably wouldn't be happy with what they discovered. So the fact that people can't read minds is a good thing. However, when you are in a relationship with someone that doesn't have that innate ability to "get" who you are as a person, you can quickly find yourself wishing that they would just up and fly away. The sad truth is that people can't fly! When you really come to the point where you can clearly see that the person you are with doesn't understand your wants and needs and yet you stay with them, you are on the road to stopping that person from finding true love. A person who truly lacks the capacity to relate to you isn't likely to develop it overnight or any time soon. Staying with them when you know how you really feel does everyone a disservice.
- Indicator That You Are Stopping The Person You Are With From Finding True Love Dating Tip 6 -
Do you constantly imagine the person you are with as someone else or wish that they were someone else?
Wishing or imagining that the person you are with is someone else is a sign of not wanting to be with the person. When you can't look at the person you are with and be happy with exactly who they are, then you are placing yourself in a situation where you are likely going to be unhappy. You can't possibly think that the relationship is going to be a healthy and strong one when you feel this way. It is very hard to hide your true feelings for a long period of time and you aren't going to be able to do that AND be happy about it for any length of time. You aren't being true to yourself or the relationship. It's very hard to deal with someone when they don't fit into our ideal of what a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband should be. It's even harder to be fake about it and maintain your sanity in the relationship. This is an indication that it is time to move on.
- Indicator That You Are Stopping The Person You Are With From Finding True Love Dating Tip 7 -
When the person you are seeing does something that you find distasteful, do you immediately think about how you should not be with them?
It never fails. When you are seeing someone that you don't really want to be with, they are bound to do things that you don't like. It could be something as simple as the way they eat spaghetti, the way they speak, how they brush their teeth, how they speak to the their parents, how they deal with their friends or any number of other things. The issue is that when you see them do whatever, your mind immediately flashes to something that doesn't happen when you are in a happy relationship. Your mind flashes to the fact that you should not be with this person. Your mind is right.
When you aren't happy with someone it shows. It shows in your actions, it shows in what you say and it shows in how you treat the other person. You can't blame them for being who they are and you can't fault them for being happy that way. What you have to do is be mature enough to walk away from the relationship if it isn't what you want. You aren't helping them when you stay and constantly try to change them. You also aren't helping them when you stay and constantly complain. You are being dishonest and selfish when you do this because there is someone out there who would want the person you are seeing just as they are. Your desire to not be alone stops you from letting them go to find that person.
If you are in a situation where you are with someone that you know you don't want to be with, stop complaining and move on. Find someone who is right for you and let them find someone who is right for them. Often, they aren't even aware that you really don't want to be in the relationship and it isn't fair to stay when you know the truth about how you feel. Staying in the relationship is a cowardly move on your part and it stops the person you are with from finding true happiness, which is something we should want for them since we know that they aren't the ones for us.
Written By Kila Morton
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